SHORT STACK? SLOPPY HORSE?

You want pancakes? Oatmeal? Oatmeal with raisins? Sorry, I forgot. You don’t like raisins. Didn’t you used to like raisins? OK, OK. No raisins. Raisins are yuck! Yucky! OK. Not funny. Sorry, I know you’re six. And a half. And two days. I’m your father. Of course I remember your birthday.

Here. Take the crayons. Draw me something on the placemat.

So, what do you want? Me? I don’t know. English muffin. Maybe. I know my eyes are really red. Long night last night, honey. Maybe eggs. Just not fried, the way they lay on the plate and stare up at you. How about French toast? Come on, you have to eat something. Mommy’ll quiz you, then she’ll say I’m a bad Dad.

Bad Dad, Bad Dad, Bad Dad. Be dum dee dum dum. No, don’t say that, Tootie. Come on; Not even teasing. I can say it, cause it’s not true. Just sounded rhythmic, like I could drum it with my knife and spoon. Be-Bad-Oh, Be-Dad-Oh. I don’t think I’m a bad Dad. Do you? I love you so much.

What does Mommy say about me? She must say something. OK. Whatever. I was just wondering.

I wonder where the waitress went. Anyway, toast. Or maybe a bagel. You sure you don’t want to change it up this time? Always the same with you. Pancakes, extra syrup. You know, you keep this up and one day we’ll be walking down the street, you’ll turn into a pancake and I’ll just pour syrup on you… I know. Silly Daddy. 

So, how’s Mom? And Howard? You like his kids all right, right? Anyway, funny about him, right? If the stove hadn’t broken, Mom would never have had to call someone to fix it, and then there was Howard. … I always hated that stove. It was an OKAY cooker, except for the oven. Why I always cooked on top of the stove. You liked my spaghetti with clam sauce. You called it “crab pasghetti.” Mommy make that for you?

I should have taken the grill. I could make you hot dogs, hamburgers. Well, I could do it outside, in the parking lot. 

Great drawing, Tootie. Is that a picture of me? Oh. Howard really looks like that, huh?

I don’t know why things take so long here. How about the park, after? No, not the boring park, the other one. And then we’ll get pizza for lunch.